Wednesday, March 31, 2021

April Fool's Day Tips For Terrific Driving!

Happy April Fool's Day! Be on the lookout (BOLO) for funny jokes, fake news, bad advice, and whatever this following blog ends up saying. TRUST ME!

Don't Ever Trust Anyone That Says "TRUST ME"


10: Make your car lighter by filling the tires with Nitrogen instead of Air. Lighter cars go faster. Just this tip alone 
will cut your commute or lap time in HALF! And we're only on the first tip!

9: Then, remove the nitrogen from your tires and create a vacuum inside the rubber tires. This reduces as much 
interior tire weight as possible and will make your car VERY FAST! Just think about vacuums for a second, like 
in outer space. Since there is no wind resistance, things move quickly, so just imagine how fast your car will go 
with no air in the tires!

7: Similar to steps 10 and 9, you should always race with as little gas as possible, which 
makes the car lighter! Since fluids are around 5 pounds per gallon, if you take, say, 10 
gallons of gas out of your car, it's the same as making your car 50 pounds lighter. Of course 
you could work out and stop eating Snickers bars to lose the same amount of weight, but 
what fun would that be?
6: For REALLY awesome performance, remove ALL the fluids from your car, gas, oil, 
radiator, brake lines, etc. With this much fluid removed, your car should be REALLY fast! 
Your car should really be flying now, and we have 5 more tips to go!

5: Similar to steps 7 and 6 go for the ULTIMATE in performance, and remove fluids from 
the driver. Again, less weight with the same horsepower equals faster speeds. We used to 
advise driving naked here, but then we weighed our clothes and figured that your body 
fluid weighs more.

4: Donate blood, sell your plasma, check eBay to see if anyone is buying kidneys, maybe 
sell your appendix and other unneeded organs. Just remember these two words: Gall Bladder. 

3: Don't look in your rear view mirrors. Seriously, there is nothing behind you that will 
make you faster, so just focus on the road about 1 foot in front of your bumper to avoid 
these needless distractions like seeing other cars, safety flags, approaching thunderstorms, 
or hazards and potholes on the road. That stuff just takes away from pushing on the gas 

2: Ideally, by this time you're really fast, so why not just get rid of the brake pedal, since 
all the brakes do is slow you down.

1: Shoot, just remove the brake calipers, rotors, and brake pads, that's not only extra weight 
you don't need, but if you're fast and don't need brakes, it's just getting in your way. 

Drive safe!

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